


the Mansion and the Smashanigans

by Yoshichao



Series: it's your smash mansion and you can cry if you want to [2]
Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Harem, No Smut, Romance, Smash Mansion, i may reorganize the chapters in the future to line up with the main fic lol, rated T for the characters that will not stop SWEARING, the reader insert is only a minor character in this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 01:19:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshichao/pseuds/Yoshichao
Summary: You've been renting out your mansion to those involved in the Super Smash Brothers Ultimate event. Things started off rocky, but you think you've really been enjoying having them around.If only you knew the things they got up to when you weren't around...





	the Mansion and the Smashanigans

**Author's Note:**

> hey there! so this fic is sort of a companion fic to "the Smashers and their Host", which is a fic where the reader-insert owns the smash mansion and becomes friends/love interest to EVERYBODY. it is a big dumb harem fic that focuses on that reader-insert. this fic however is going to focus on things from the perspectives of the smashers, so in some cases that will end up with standalone stories, and others may be short excerpts of what these dorks are doing in the existing chapters of the main story. 
> 
> this first chapter doesn't really have any reference to the reader-insert bit, but it DOES reference a few events and smasher relationships developed in that fic. this is actually way in the future of where that fic is at the time of this writing (chapter 10 i think? while this one is after chapter 20ish lol) so i hope people enjoy picking up on the Teasers in this one lol. i also started this before joker was announced, which is unfortunate since he probably could have worked somewhere in here. oh well!
> 
> ANYWAYS. this is so late but.... merry late christmas!

Master Hand fans out a thick woolly blanket and gently places it over his sleeping brother. Stuck to the blanket is a large red bow and a tag that says “To: CRAZY, From: SANTA”. After taking a moment to watch Crazy snore peacefully, Master Hand turns to address the Smashers in the room. They are all too preoccupied with their excitement to notice the writing on the tag.

“Now, Santa will be here soon so you all should hurry along to your beds.” Master Hand’s voice carries his usual sternness, but it is also lighthearted and relaxed by mirth. Not even he can escape the holiday cheer. “If you don’t go to sleep, then Santa won’t come to deliver anyone’s presents. And we don’t want that, do we?”

“We’ll go to bed soon - promise!” Roy announces, and everyone else nods and murmurs their agreement. He and most of the others looked visibly exhausted, with circles under their eyes and unkempt appearances. A few of them took a nap during the day and thus looked more well-off, but others such as Kirby, blue Inkling, and Red had already passed out on the floor. Everyone else was struggling not to join them.

“Hmm, well, if you say so. Ah, I almost forgot.” Master Hand snaps his fingers and a pile of presents appears under the large decorated tree. Most of them are for his brother. “There. That’s my presents sorted. Now, I’m off to bed - I’d advise you all do the same.”

As Master Hand leaves the room, everyone mechanically waves and bids him goodnight. A few seconds after he’s out of sight, the gaggle of eager and still-awake Smashers immediately converges, huddling together to see the device Snake is holding.

“Where is he now?” Ness asks, sitting on the floor as several others are peeking over his head and shoulders to see. Snake presses a button on the device.

“Still a couple universes over, but it looks like he’s making fast progress, so I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

Shulk is lingering back a bit, not quite at the same enthusiasm level as everyone else. He gives up trying to look at the device, unwilling to push his way through the near-dogpile of bodies. “Can that thing  _ really  _ track him?”

Many pairs of eyes land on Shulk at once, their faces wearing the most  _ unamused  _ deadpans imaginable. 

“Of course it can,” Snake replies, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “People have been tracking Santa for  _ years. _ There’s no way it’s wrong now.”

Shulk looks helplessly at Lucina, who seems to be sharing his expression. The two of them and Meta-Knight (who is calmly drinking hot chocolate on the loveseat) seem to be the only people in the room who aren’t _ incredibly eager  _ to meet this “Santa Claus”. Honestly, Shulk misheard the name at first and was extremely concerned that a certain malevolent “god” was coming to visit with  _ gifts. _ He is glad that does not seem to be the case.

“What’s wrong, Shulk?” Leaf asks, wearing a smug smile. “Don’t tell me… that you don’t believe in Santa?”

Shulk starts to answer, but Bowser Jr. pipes up with a scoff: “Everyone  _ knows  _ Santa isn’t real! Only  _ babies  _ believe in him!”

“You sure about that?” Richter asks, leaning over Junior with a sly grin. “‘Cause you looked pretty excited to hear he was close.”

The young prince looks startled for a moment - he can’t believe he had been caught!! - but he crosses his arms and pouts. “W-Well… I’m excited cuz when that thing says he’s here and he’s not, I get to laugh at you guys for being so  _ dumb  _ and gullible!”

“Well you’re not going to be the one laughing, because he’s real. We’ve met him!” Nana says, with Popo nowhere to be seen for once. That  _ dummy  _ didn’t want to wait up for Santa and said he’d rather sleep and open gifts in the morning. What an old man!

“Yeah, I have too!” Roy announces. “He showed up at the Melee event with one of his elves and gave us all presents! It was AWESOME!” 

“Those were probably just fake Santas,” Junior argues. “Like, my dad used to dress up as Santa all the time when I was a kid, but I don’t fall for that anymore! You guys shouldn’t either.”

Roy frowns, thinking. “Well, whoever it was, it definitely wasn’t your dad. I saw Santa give him a gift by hand!” This makes Junior grumble, unable to come up with further explanation.

“Kid, Santa is definitely real, and he’s on his way to the last universe before ours.” Snake’s voice brings everyone’s attention back on him. He has not stopped staring at the Santa Tracker™ this entire time. “Won’t be much longer before you can see him for your own eyes.”

“Hey, so um…” Lucina awkwardly clears her throat, trying to ask something she’s been thinking about for awhile now. “...Who exactly  _ is  _ this ‘Santa Claus’? Everyone keeps mentioning him, and he’s in all those movies and books… But I… don’t think I understand?”

“Pi?” Pichu is also confused, and is only here because it followed Pikachu (who - like Bowser Jr. - insists Santa isn’t real) downstairs. The baby mouse Pokemon has only managed to stay awake this long because it knows snacks and  _ presents  _ are involved.

“Santa is just a nice guy that delivers presents to good kids,” Lucas explains, taking another cookie from the snack tray they have - leftovers from the Christmas Eve party the mansion held earlier in the day. There is a separate plate for Santa that was hidden somewhere by Snake - so nobody gets greedy and tries to eat it. “And! He has elves that can make any toy in the world!”

“Emphasis on being  _ good _ if you want toys _ , _ ” Snake says. “If you’ve been bad, you get coal. And trust me, he  _ knows  _ if you’ve been bad. So if any of you have been bad this year, you may as well go to bed now.”

There are several nervous expressions in the room, but nobody moves. Orange Inkling casually starts wiping off the marker on her snoozin’ blue counterpart’s face. 

“Ha, check it out! I drew a Dunsparce.” Leaf, completely undeterred by the warning, proudly gestures to what she drew on sleeping Red’s face. The trainer’s face is just  _ covered  _ in pictures and scribbles.

Toon Link suddenly conks out, falling backwards onto the floor and snoring loudly. Bowser Jr., Nana, and Ness are  _ immediately  _ around him, each with markers in their hands.

“But it’s actually okay if you’ve been bad,” Young Link adds to the discussion, making his way over to join the other kids in drawing all over his counterpart’s face. His voice is somewhat muffled from the gingerbread man mask he’s wearing. “If we just capture Santa when he gets here, we can just  _ take  _ our presents from him.”

Snake grumbles before speaking up: “We’ve went over this kid, you can’t capture Santa.”

“Yes I can.”

“No you  _ can’t-- _ ”

“Getting back to the question…” Richter turns to Lucina, ignoring the kids as they get way too excited about the idea of capturing Santa. They’re all enthralled by Young Link’s plan, despite Snake’s insistence that it won’t work. “The idea of Santa Claus stems from a man named Saint Nicholas, who was a bishop that gave gifts to the poor. Many centuries later, the people dedicated a day for gift-giving in his honour.”

“So…” Shulk begins, clearly piecing things together. “This Santa Claus was based on a real person… but Santa himself isn’t real?”

There is a pause. Richter’s smile does not budge. “Of course he’s real.” He suddenly pulls Shulk into a headlock and playfully ruffles his hair - albeit forcefully. “Sheesh, haven’t you been  _ listening? _ Haha!”

“I think I understand now,” Lucina says, making no move to help Shulk. Please, somebody save this nerd. “I believe there is a similar figure where I hail from, but it is not this ‘Saint Nicholas’ or Santa Claus. Our day of giving is not called ‘Christmas’ either…”

“Well, a lot of people celebrate the holidays in different ways and for different purposes. In fact, the day  _ Christmas  _ wasn’t always celebrated the way it is now… but that’s another story.” Richter has finally released Shulk. The boy takes this moment of freedom to fix his hair. “How about you, Shulk? Your world have anything like Christmas?”

“Erm, well…” The blond pauses in his ministrations to smooth out his hair. “...We have a day every year where we celebrate the end of the Bionis and Mechonis’ long battle. There’s a huge celebration, and sometimes we exchange gifts…” He neglects to mention that it took him  _ years  _ to catch onto the “optional” gift-giving aspect of the event. It puzzled him every year why his friends would leave gifts in the lab on this seemingly random day. “Uh, does that count…?”

“Sure! Sounds like as good a reason as any to celebrate.” 

“What the--” There’s a snort, and the Smashers turn to see Falco standing in the doorway. “Geez, don’t tell me the party is still going on. Aren’t you kids tired?”

Inkling excitedly explains that they are all waiting for Santa Claus, but Falco just stares at her blankly, not understanding a single squidkid noise. Leaf is the one to explain in her stead.

“We’re waiting for Santa, obviously.”

“Ohhhh, okay. Yeah.  _ Santa. _ Sure. Uh-huh.” Falco holds back a laugh. “Hey, doesn’t Santa only come if you’re asleep? That’s what I heard, anyways.”

Inkling gasps and asks if that’s true. Squirtle tries to assure her it’s not, but doesn’t look entirely sure about it. Pikachu finally tells them not to worry about it, because Santa will definitely show up no matter what! ...If he was  _ real, _ that is. Which he’s not!

“Everyone, Santa is on his way  _ right now. _ ” All the Smashers look towards Snake, who still looks normal on the outside, but a quiver in his voice is betraying his excitement. “Hurry, we need to get ready.”

Many of the Smashers start scrambling around. Snake orders Meta-Knight (the only one in this room that he can trust) to fetch the hidden plate of cookies (in an inconspicuous box in the study). Falco groans and rolls his eyes.

“Seriously Snake, you too? I-- Uh, what are all the cardboard boxes for?”

Unmentioned and unnoticed until now, there are about a dozen giant cardboard boxes being passed around. They all have holes cut into them. Some of them even have festive camouflage. 

“You’re right that Santa doesn’t come unless we’re sleeping,” Snake explains, setting up one of the boxes beside him, “so all we have to do is make him  _ think  _ we’re sleeping.”

“And then we can capture him.”

“Kid, I--” Snake huffs and narrows his eyes at Young Link, who briefly lifts his mask to stick out his tongue tauntingly. “You’re not getting anywhere  _ near  _ Santa Claus, and I am going to make damn sure of that.”

“Wait, you guys are going to hide under the boxes?  _ That’s  _ your plan?” Falco lets out a laugh. “Oh man, wait til I tell everybody about this in the morning!”

_ “Non-believer,” _ Nana whispers. Lucina stops shuffling around and looks at Falco, box in her hand. 

“...You don’t think it will work?”

“Of course not! One box is obvious enough - sorry Snake, but it’s the truth - but a dozen of them? Santa would have to be blind… AND completely intangible.”

Lucas freezes, whispering to himself: “Gh-Ghost Santa Claus…?”

Roy overhears him and makes a similar face. “H-Haha, don’t say things like that…! Our plan will work, and NOT because Santa is a ghost!”

“Boo!”

Both Lucas and Roy yelp in terror, then grimace when they see Young Link and Bowser Jr. cackling behind them. The two troublemakers high-five, and then transition into their secret victory handshake.

“Alright everyone, settle down.” Richter is standing in the middle of the room, smiling good-naturedly. “While we’re waiting, why don’t we all share what we hope Santa will bring us?”

Inkling announces they want the most expensive and freshest clothes. AND tickets to the next Squid Sisters concert! The prospect is so exciting that she throws her hands up and narrowly misses hitting a passing Ness in the face.

“I want a new bat,” Ness says as he effortlessly ducks to avoid Inkling’s flailing. “It would be cool if Santa got it signed, but I’m okay if it’s not.”

“Cute clothes would be nice,” Leaf says, agreeing with Inkling. She pauses. “...Do you think Santa would let me have one of his Deliberd? Now THAT would be cool!”

Link also agrees with the fashion sentiment. In particular, he is curious about what it would be like to have a hat like Santa’s. It’s probably different from the mass-produced Christmas hats! Would it have any special powers?

“ _ If _ Santa was real, he’d get me the new Call of Duty!” Bowser Jr. hops on top of his cardboard box and sits on it, smiling smugly. “Dad would  _ never  _ get that game for me. I’d  _ definitely  _ believe in Santa if I got it. But I won’t, so he’s not real!”

“Did you write Santa a letter asking for it?” Snake asks. “You might not get it if you didn’t tell him.”

“Pfft, puh-lease! If Santa is sooo magic, then he’d just  _ know. _ ”

“Of course he knows, but you need to show him how much you want it. You need to show him what you’re willing to do to get a gift this year.”

“That’s dumb!”

“I, personally, am going to challenge this ‘Santa Claus’ to a duel once he arrives. Then we may see who is stronger.”

Everyone turns to see Meta-Knight has returned with Santa’s cookies. Nobody knows how to respond to his proclamation, instead just watching him as the masked warrior places the cookies on the table and then moves to his cardboard box. As he’s fiddling with the box, Snake makes a noise of disgust and is the first to speak.

“Buddy, you can’t fight Santa.” Snake continues shaking his head. “He’s too powerful - there is no way you could win.”

“Hmph! We’ll see about that soon enough.”

“Am I the only sane one left in this room?” Falco asks aloud, to nobody in particular. “I understand the kids, but--” He gestures to Link peeking at gifts under the tree. “--really?” And then to Meta-Knight placing the box over top of himself. “Really?” And finally to Snake, who is back to obsessively checking the Santa Tracker. “ _ Really?? _ ”

Richter chuckles and tries to place a Santa hat on Falco’s head. The pilot squawks in frustration and swats it off. “C’mon Falco, where’s your Christmas spirit? Don’t be a Scrooge.”

“My world doesn’t celebrate Christmas! This obsession with a fat man in a red suit  _ who isn’t even real _ is nonsense. I don’t get it!”

Roy gasps. “Falco! Of course Santa is real - we’ve met him, remember??”

“What are you--? Oh.” Falco smacks a wing against his face and groans. “I hate to break it to you, but that wasn’t Santa. That was Mario dressed up as Santa.”

“HA!” Junior says, muffled inside his box that’s been painted with flames.

“Wh-What? No it wasn’t, he… he had an elf and everything!”

“That was LUIGI.”

Snake tries to butt into the conversation, voice urgent. “Hold on, you guys--”

_ “I KNEW IT!” _ Pikachu throws the box off of himself. It flies to parts unknown.  _ “I KNEW Santa wasn’t real! It was all just a trick! Hahaha!” _

“You’re… you’re lying!” Roy exclaims, but his resolve is clearly crumbling. “I would have known if it was them! I’m not dumb!”

“Well have you ever thought that just maybe… you are??”

“Now, hold on you two.” Richter puts himself between a smug Falco and a heartbroken Roy. The kids, Link, Shulk, and Lucina are watching the exchange awkwardly. “Let’s not start fighting tonight of all nights. I can promise you Santa Claus is definitely real.” The vampire killer gives Falco a  _ look. _ “Right, Falco?”

“Listen, you all need to shut up for a second--”

“You can’t make me go along with this farce. Sorry to the kids, but it’s better than getting their hopes up: Santa! Is not! REAL!”

Punctuating the end of that sentence, somebody kicks the door open, slamming it against the wall. Everybody jumps from the unexpected sound, and a gust from outside blows out the atmospheric candles, leaving the mansion in sudden darkness. As some Smashers peek out from their cardboard boxes, others are frozen in place, staring at the doorway leading to the main hall. Slow, heavy footsteps echo in the silence, approaching, and then…

With a flick of his wrist, a purple flame dimly lights the area just enough so everyone can see the familiar red-and-white suit alongside that rugged, sunglasses-ed face.

He is HERE.

“Ho ho ho, motherfuckers. Santa’s here.”

The reaction is instantaneous: everyone forgets about the cardboard box plan and there is a rush to meet with Santa first. Ness, Lucas, Nana, Pikachu, Bowser Jr., Inkling, Richter, Link, Squirtle, Pichu, Pikachu, and Roy all emerge from their places and crowd around the jolly ol’ Saint Nick, instantly in awe of his presence. Leaf, Meta-Knight, and Young Link get up to approach as well, though they linger at the back of the crowd patiently. Snake is peeking at him from behind the couch, while Shulk, Lucina, and Falco are left speechless and jaw dropped.

They truly are witnessing a Christmas miracle tonight.

“Whoa now, settle down kiddies. One at a time. You don’t want ol’ Santa to take your gifts back, do you?” Everybody settles down, but only barely. “Heh. That’s better. Let’s see who’s first on the ‘nice’ list…” Santa reaches into his sack of gifts and pulls out a perfectly-wrapped baseball bat-shaped gift, wrapped in striped yellow-and-blue paper. Ness immediately gasps, eyes alight with excitement. 

“Hey, how did you know this was for you? Thought I was supposed to be Santa Claus here.” Santa chuckles before handing the gift to Ness. “Here ya go, kiddo.”

“Thanks, Santa!!” Ness starts peeling the wrapping paper, unwinding it round and round… and gasps again when he sees the gift underneath! “Wow! It’s signed by EVERYBODY!” He is not kidding. The shiny new bat is just  _ covered  _ in signatures. All the signatures.  _ Every signature is here. _ “Thank you, Santa!!!”

“No problem, kid. Now, who’s next?” Pulling a box with blizzard-print wrapping paper out of the sack, Santa looks to Nana. “Something for the best damn mountain climbers in all of  _ Smash, _ eh?”

“Eek!” Nana accepts the box gleefully and tears into it. As soon as she opens the cardboard flaps, a reverent “oooh” escapes her throat. Inside is an ominous artefact and a treasure map. “Oh boy, I can’t WAIT to show this to Popo!! That’ll teach him for sleeping on Christmas Eve.”

Santa hands gifts to Lucas and Roy before moving onto the Pokemon cast, who have coincidentally gravitated towards each other. As he speaks, he hands out the gifts one by one. “Some kickass shades for the turtle, a new get-up for the rodent--” (Pikachu yells  _ “I KNEW SANTA WAS REAL” _ as he puts on his pirate hat and starts swinging his new sword around) “--and… heh, a little something for the lady.”

Leaf blinks curiously as Santa places a Pokeball in her hand. “What is it?”

“Let’s just say… it’s something you can brag about.”

She’s confused for only a moment, before her face turns devious as she turns to look at Red, who has been sleeping through all the excitement. “You snooze you lose, right?”

“Hell yeah, you got it.” The two of them share a fist bump. It is awesome, and extremely festive. But mostly awesome.

“Pichu...?”

“Don’t worry kiddo, I didn’t forget about you.” Santa spares a look to the pouting Pichu at his feet before reaching into his bag of gifts. With one hand, he pulls out an impossibly large box wrapped in traditional Santa wrapping paper. The box is not only larger than Pichu, but it is larger than all the kids in the room combined. The baby mouse’s eyes widen at the sight, and it starts making grabby hands at the gift. Santa just chuckles and places the box on the ground, which Pichu is eager to dig into.

Most of the kids have now been taken care of. But, there are a few more… one in particular looks quite conflicted on whether or not he should approach.

“Expecting something, Junior?” Bowser Jr. straightens nervously as Santa addresses him. With a flash of purple flame, a big book appears in Santa’s hand, and he opens it to a seemingly random page. “My list says you might not have been the  _ nicest  _ this year… What do you have to say to that?”

Junior stammers over his words, unable to explain himself. After a moment of listening to him flounder, Santa just chuckles and puts the book away. “Heh heh, don’t worry, I’m just messing with ya. Besides, if you were  _ completely  _ good, I probably wouldn’t be giving you this gift.”

With a flick of the wrist, Santa tosses a present at Junior, who catches it with both hands. The rectangular shape is familiar - so familiar that Junior is already losing his mind before he’s even opened it.

“CALL OF DUTY!!! YESSSSSS!”

As soon as he’s confirmed it - throwing the shredded paper everywhere - Bowser Jr. hollers as he runs around the room excitedly, holding the game case high over his head in triumph. Santa chuckles.

“Lo and behold, another believer is born. Hallelujah.” Next... with his Christmas instincts, Santa Claus senses Young Link’s approach and dodges the net that is thrown at him. From the other side of the room, Snake lets out a quiet sigh of relief.

“Darn. Totally thought that would work.” Young Link snaps his fingers in defeat. “I’ll get you next time, Santa.”

“You’re centuries too young to stand a chance at capturing me, kid. But I like your style, so I’ll give you a consolation prize.” Santa hands Young Link his gift, which he opens quickly. “A little birdie told me you like this kind of thing. This mask contains the spirit of a demon - real son-of-a-bitch, that guy. Made sure he was nice and cozy in there, so he can’t hurt you or anything. As for what powers he can give you, well… I’ll let you find that out on your own.”

Young Link turns over the mask in his hands, gently brushing his fingers over the horns and the monstrous face. “Whoa. Cool.” He removes his gingerbread mask and puts the new mask on his face. Nothing happens, but he seems satisfied nonetheless. “Got anything else for me?”

“Don’t push your luck.”

Young Link shrugs and walks off. He walks past Pichu, who has opened its gift and is now playing with the packing peanuts inside the box. Roy and Inkling are there too, the latter having seemingly forgotten about receiving a gift from Santa.

“Little Link to big Link. My man.” Santa tosses the adult Link a box, who catches it with a bright smile. Claus gives the swordsman a cool guy nod, and Link returns it before digging into his gift. Upon laying his eyes upon the content, Link gasps.

It’s GUCCI.

The cap is brown and velvety with the Gucci logo embroidered all over it. The jacket and shorts were  _ clearly  _ meant for each other - the former being a tan trench coat with the picture of a cat on the back. Meanwhile, the shorts are beige and include tigers and trees with the design. White shoes with a luscious pair of lips painted on each side? Bam, it’s there. And to complete the look: a pair of thick sunglasses encrusted with diamonds. 

Without wasting a moment, Link throws on the hat and jacket, and then eagerly hops into the shorts, sliding them over top of his pajama pants. The shoes and glasses quickly follow suit. He doesn’t need to look into a conveniently placed mirror to know he looks good. This is the pinnacle of fashion, after all. 

This is the best Christmas ever.

As the Hylian swordsman basks in the true bliss of wearing such a stunning look, the night of Christmas giving continues onwards.

“Santa Claus.” Now that the crowd surrounding Santa is gone, Meta-Knight chooses this moment to approach him. “I have no need for gifts. Instead, I would like to challenge you to a duel, so we may see which of us is stronger.”

There is a groan from the other side of the room. Santa merely chuckles and reaches into his bag. “First off: you’re getting a gift anyways. It’s in my contract.” He pulls out a rectangular box. “As for the duel, well, I’m sure you know this is the busiest day of the year for me, so I can’t grant any Christmas miracles tonight. However, I can give you a little  _ ticket _ . Come exchange it for one free duel any time you like. I’ll be waiting.” 

Santa snaps his fingers and a thin plate of solid platinum appears and clatters onto the box. It is written in some language that is unknown to Meta-Knight. But he doesn’t particularly care about that.

“Thank you.” Meta-Knight takes the box and the ticket and then goes to take a seat on the sofa. Hm, he wasn’t expecting to get a gift! How interesting! After putting away the ticket, he opens his present, and… oh, it’s a lovely Christmas sweater! With reds and green, and snowflakes and lights, it... it matches perfectly with the Christmas pants he has been wearing today! How did he know? Meta-Knight can’t help but glance at the jolly red-suited man, trying to regauge his power. Perhaps he underestimated him…

“I told you, Santa is too powerful. You’ll never beat him.” Snake is still crouched down here, seemingly hiding from Santa for some unknown reason. Meta-Knight shrugs on the sweater, taking a moment to judge its snuggability before responding.

“Perhaps, but what sort of warrior would I be if I did not try?”

Snake can’t help but roll his eyes. “You damned idiot. You absolute  _ fool. _ ”

Meta-Knight reclaims his hot chocolate, returning to sipping it calmly. “We will see about that, my friend...”

As this was happening, two other dorks opened their gifts. Shulk and Lucina had both been a bit wary opening their gifts, but their tunes change quickly upon seeing what’s inside.

“Oh, wow!” Shulk receives a few books that touch on a variety of subjects, such as gods and technologies of the multiverse - plenty of which aren’t found in the libraries of Smash. “Thank you-- uhh, wait--”

Santa ruffles Shulk’s hair before he can finish expressing his gratitude. The Monado boy does his best to withhold his disdain. “Heh, no problem, you big nerd. Have fun with that.”

Lucina gasps upon opening her gift. It is a cozy, handmade sword warmer. “Now Falchion will never be cold again… I must thank you for this thoughtful gift.” She wants to use it right now, but alas, her sword sleeps soundly in her room. 

With two more happy kids out of the way, Santa takes a suspiciously-shaped gift out of his bag and begins to approach Richter, who had been watching the Christmas cheer with a warm smile. Noticing it’s his turn, his expression shifts to shock.

“Whoa, I get something too? You didn’t have to do that.” 

“Yeahhh, I did. Part of the damn job.” Santa chuckles and holds out the gift to Richter, who is clearly holding back his excitement as he accepts it. “Never gave you Belmonts much of a thought in the past, but guess you’re the real deal, huh? I’ll tell your vampire buddy to invite you the next time we go for drinks.”

Richter’s smile remains on his face, but confusion alights in his eyes. But with all these kids and believers around, he’s in no position to ask for clarification, so he just nods and lets Santa continue to the next person. Ol’ Saint Nick smirks as he makes his way over to the couch, where a certain spy has been camping out--

No! Wait! But what gift did Richter get?! We simply  _ must  _ know! ...Well, but isn’t it obvious? That 8-like shape with the long bit… Yes! It’s a guitar! A real rock-n-roll guitar! Richter can’t stop grinning as he takes it out of the case. He is definitely going to play this responsibly, and not at three in the morning, prompting his ancestor to break down his door and beat him up. 

Yeah. Definitely won’t happen.

Okay, now we want to return to the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Let’s do this. Snake and Meta-Knight are still discussing the power levels of various holiday-related characters when Santa Claus appears, standing tall from the other side of the couch. We cannot see his eyes due to his wicked-ass shades, but we assume he and Snake have made eye contact. They are silent.

Then, after what feels like an eternity, Santa tosses something at Snake. Although startled, the lad manages to catch it, his breath hitching when he gets a look at it. It is a teddy bear, with an eyepatch and a cigar in his mouth. It is a beautiful bear, and Snake slowly hugs it close to his chest. He can’t believe this is happening.

“Th-Thank you, Santa…”

Santa makes a sound of acknowledgement before walking off.

Almost done! Santa takes the next gift out of the sack and then looks towards the kids still playing with the giant box. There is just a  _ sea  _ of packing peanuts on the floor. Link, Leaf, Squirtle, and pirate captain Pikachu have joined Pichu, Inkling, and Roy in the box. Young Link sitting against the outside of the box in the blind spot, the demon mask covering his doubtless devious expression. They  _ could  _ just be left to their fun, but Kris Kringle over here has a damn job to finish! 

“Hey!” Everybody looks towards Santa. “I still got a gift for a certain squid girl here. You gonna come get it, or should I keep it?”

The Smashers look towards Inkling, and it takes a moment before she realizes… oh!!!  _ She’s _ the squid girl!!!!!!! With an excited shout, she leaps out of the box and does an athletic Action Roll over a sleeping Kirby on her way to Santa. In her haste, she nearly collides with his legs, but bounces backwards in her attempt to grab the gift right out of the man’s hands.

“Heh! That’s what I thought! Here you go, kid.” As soon as the gift is lowered to jumping distance, Inkling snatches it and flops onto the ground, tearing into the wrapping paper like a wild animal. The box proves to be a minor trifle, because she is quick to add her teeth into the mix and puncture the box in a way it probably wasn’t supposed to be opened. The box is shredded within moments, and Inkling holds up her prize in triumph.

“Oh no,” Shulk mumbles, with Lucina wearing a similar expression of concern beside him.

The gift is a shark costume - possibly made from real shark skin, judging by the texture. The Smasher thought Inkling’s reign of terror had been over after they confiscated her previous shark onesie and burned it, but now it was clear this was far from over. No… it was just the beginning.

Inkling is practically vibrating from excitement as her eyes roam over the costume, before finally crawling into the mouth headfirst. She is now one with the beast again! No longer is she a mere squidkid, but a predator of the deep!! Rules are beneath her!!! Once situated the right way up inside the costume, Inkling decides to exercise her regained power on the nearest target.

“Ow!! You little--” Falco squawks as Inkling suddenly bites down on his arm. With a few aggressive wing movements, she finally releases him and bounds back to avoid getting smacked, grinning wildly. The little shark roars triumphantly before dashing out of the room, assuredly about to wreak havoc on this most Christmas-y of nights. As Falco grumbles and nurses his arm, Santa chuckles in amusement. The pilot is quick to glare at him.

“Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on here! Let me guess - Master Hand hired you for this?”

“Hm. That’s funny. It almost sounds like you don’t believe in me.”

“I sure don’t - AND I know who you are! You’re just... Bayonetta’s demon friend! Rodin! That’s it, that’s your name!” Falco looks around the rest of the room, where everyone is staring silently. He gestures to Santa’s unshaken face. “Look, he doesn’t even have the beard!”

Richter speaks up, trying to pacify Falco for the kids’ sake: “Now now, Santa is magic. He can look however he wants.”

“Nah, I get it,” Santa says, surprising everyone. “Little birdie just needs some convincing. Turns out, I have a gift for him too.”

As Santa reaches into the present sack, Falco finds himself inching closer despite himself. “Uh… you do? Wait, no, I don’t care - I don’t want it--”

“‘Course you do. Check this out.” Quick as a flash, Santa pulls his fist from the sack and he socks Falco right in the face. The bird goes flying across the room, crashing into a pile of abandoned boxes. All the kids plus Link and Snake start cheering. The non-believer has been vanquished! Christmas is safe! All is merry once again.

“Okay, one last gift before I head off. This one is for the house.” Santa pulls one last thing from his sack, and the Smashers that stuck around after receiving their gifts gather curiously. In his hand is a very large brown flower pot, apparently already filled by a massive red-and-white seed. There is an extra fancy green-and-red bow stuck on top, with a tag attached to it that is blank aside from a gold imprint of the Smash logo. Santa chuckles at everyone’s mystified looks.

“It’s a new friend for you all. Treat him nice and help him grow strong, alright?”

Squirtle’s expression brightens up with an idea, and he starts spitting water onto the seed. Suddenly… the pot shudders and the seed immediately takes sprout!

Wait, that wasn’t a seed at all…

“Why does that plant have so many _ teeth?! _ ” Lucina asks, gasping when the Piranha Plant leaps from Santa’s hand and starts chasing down a terrified Squirtle all around the room, knocking over innocent furniture along the way. Lucina goes to reach for her sword but groans when her hand finds empty air. “Of all the nights--! There!” She rushes over to the Christmas tree and grabs a giant candy cane-looking thing before she starts chasing down the Plant, swinging her impromptu weapon wildly. Half of the Smashers have retreated from the room as Piranha Plant continues its Christmas rampage. Santa takes out a cigar and lights it, calmly blowing out smoke as a PK Fire zips by in front of him and narrowly misses a curtain. 

“Well, looks like my job here is done.” A vase shatters. Link sets off a remote bomb and the remaining Christmas snacks - including Santa’s cookies - end up flying off the table from the force. Santa grabs one of the cookies from mid-air, taking a bite of it as he’s taking out a mask from his coat pocket. Finishing the cookie with another two bites, he takes off his Santa hat - briefly revealing that, Santa is, in fact, Rodin! What a twist!! - so he can now put on the mask of a certain ugly hairy green character. With this mask now secure on his face, Rodin places the red hat back on top of his head and casually makes his way over to the Christmas tree.

“It’s time for the  _ real  _ fun to begin.”

And that is the story of how the Grinch stole  _ Smash Bros. _


End file.
